Threesome (Casual Sex Book 4)

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Don't hesitate to take anything that makes you uncomfortable out of the equation entirely — penetration, sleepovers. Sometimes making out is enough. This is its own kind of struggle. You may both have always had a crush on your sexy next-door neighbor, but I would caution against involving someone who is already a part of your daily life in this kind of dynamic.

If anything goes badly, you still have to see that person.


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It can be safer to look toward the outer rings of your social circle. It can be awkward to bring up the subject. Don't jump into anything until you're incredibly comfortable with all parties involved. Be sure to pre-screen with a phone call and follow up with a face-to-face meeting in a public location.

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Do consider attending sex parties in order to meet like-minded individuals in a safe setting. If dating sites feel too contrived for you, there are parties organized for exactly this purpose. They can be great resources. Do familiarize yourself with the concept of "couple privilege" and learn how to avoid it. In the excitement of adding a third to your relationship, a well-meaning couple can be oblivious to the privileges of that relationship, and end up ignoring the wants and needs of its newest member. Creating rules for a triad relationship without the third person is an example of engaging in couple privilege.

It doesn't acknowledge the equality or autonomy of the third party.


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  7. If you begin trying to build a relationship that puts one person at a disadvantage, even subconsciously, it's in trouble from the start. And on that note If a couple seeks a partner to co-create a triad while stuck in the mindset of couple privilege, they may unknowingly start looking for a unicorn: someone who provides exactly what the couple wants without requiring anything in return. Treatment like this creates an implication that the third party is one-dimensional, and not a human with equal rights and needs that deserve to be acknowledged.

    Editors Choice

    This is highly frowned upon in the polyamorous community. She is so rare as to be virtually mythical. As in all areas of life, consideration of others is key. Sometimes when people start imagining their most potent fantasies, they forget basic tenets of etiquette. In my memoir, Wide Open: My Adventures in Polyamory, Open Marriage, and Loving on My Own Terms , I reveal some moments when my husband and I unknowingly engaged in couple privilege and our subsequent efforts to be more fair in the future.

    Do consider playing with another couple if you're concerned about inequity within the threesome dynamic. For this reason, my husband and I now prefer to aim for an equal playing field. Two couples meeting can often avoid the uneven power dynamic that frequently arises when a couple meets a single person. The bottom line is that you should only ever do what feels right for all parties involved.

    Now, go and enjoy yourself. Your next adventure is waiting.

    Sex And The Media: Threesomes

    Y ou can email Gracie X at GracieX. Her new book, Wide Open , is available wherever books are sold. You are now subscribed Be on the lookout for a welcome email in your inbox! Main Navigation. Thinking About Having A Threesome? Read This First. Saved Articles. Gift Purchases. Contact Support. Log Out. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world.

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